Tik Tok
by SkyeElf
Summary: Just crazily random... My own take of an alternate ending for Harry Potter... Really funny and, well, random. R&R please...


Disclaimer: I wish I owned Harry Potter, but, alas, it's not so. (Sighs dramatically.) I also do not own the song.

A/N: This has been bugging me for a while now. Oh, and it's dedicated to Dezi.

**Tik-tok.**

One very angry Voldemort woke up. His dreams had been infested with the graveyard from where he'd returned, and his incapability to destroy Harry Potter. He got up, most evilly and dramatically, flipping his covers up and causing them to float to the opposite wall.

He slumped to the bathroom, wand in hand, not knowing that the very boy he despised so much was standing in his doorway, covered by an invisibility cloak. Harry Potter muttered a spell and disapparated. Voldemort turned around at the sound – he could've sworn he'd just heard a loud 'crack'… He shook it off, taking it to be the haunting dreams he'd just awakened from…

He faced the mirror again.

He thought of himself as quite handsome.

His great, bald head was shining and his red eyes made him quite desirable. Why, if he wasn't the Dark Lord he'd shag himself!

After he'd robed himself he went downstairs, passing a mirror every few minutes and jeered at his features…

Once inside the Dining Hall of Malfoy Manor he stood in front of yet another mirror. His minions waiting for him.

He went to sit down, and, as he opened his mouth to begin the speech on how much he hated Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Sirius Black, mudbloods, bloodtraitors, muggles and just about everyone that weren't his followers and wondering where on earth Severus Snape could be, another, a quite different sound escaped his mouth.

"Wake up in the morning feeling like Tom Riddle,

Got my wand out, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city,

Before I leave, check the mirror to see no nose,

'cause when I leave for the night I ain't coming back,"

The Death Eaters looked at their master, horror written on their faces. The Dark Lord was singing to them! And, worst of all, he couldn't keep tune!

"I'm talking, crucio on my foes, foes,

Trying out new robes, robes,

Muggles blown up by wands, wands,

Drop-toping, using our favorite curses,

Pulling up to the Ministry,

Trying to be a little gypsy…"

Oh no! Voldemort thought, he'd just blown his biggest secret ever! His secret passion to be a gypsy!

But, alas, his humiliation did not stop there, as his loyal followers were still watching, horrified, at their master's antics… well, everyone except for Bellatrix, she thought the Dark Lord was a virtuoso.

"Don't stop, make it pop,

Bella, blow the Black's up,

Tonight, we're to fight,

Until we see the dumb gits, (The 'dumb gits' being the Order of the Phoenix)

Tick tock, on the clock,

But the killing won't stop, no,"

At this point Bella took over, singing 'Whoa-oh oh oh' twice. All of the gazes turned to her. She was just as bad as Voldemort!

"Lucius, blow the Weasley's up,

Tonight, we're to fight,

Until we see the dumb gits,

But the killing won't stop, no,"

Bellatrix vocalized again, willing to do anything for the man she loved…

"Ain't got a care in the world,

But got plenty of fear,

Ain't got no money in my pocket, (Oh no! Yet another secret revealed! He was dirt poor!)

But the Malfoy's are here, (He received a death glare from Lucius for those words!)

Now the snakes are lining up 'cause they hear we got bluster,

But we kick them to the curb unless they look like Nagini,

I'm talking about,

Everybody getting touchy,

Auror's try to touch my snakey,

Gonna kill him if she's getting to slippy,"

Voldemort could've smacked himself, now his followers knew that he was secretly, and hopelessly, in love with his pet snake.

"Now, now, we're going until they find us out, out,

Or the Aurors hunt us down, down,

Aurors steal our wands, wands,

Po-po kill pur pets,"

"Bella, blow the Black's up,

Tonight, we're to fight,

Until we see the dumb gits,

Tick tock, on the clock,

But the killing won't stop, no,"

At this point Bella took over, singing 'Whoa-oh oh oh' twice. All eyes turned to her. It was confirmed, she was worse than Voldemort!

"Lucius, blow the Weasley's up,

Tonight, we're to fight,

Until we see the dumb gits,

But the killing won't stop, no,"

Bellatrix vocalized again, still willing to do anything for the man she loved…

Voldemort's voice grew sad here. Yes, sad. Who knew the Dark Lord had emotions?

And then, quite randomly and out of nowhere at all, Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore appeared. Voldemort saw Harry stow away his Invisibility Cloak. He motioned for his followers to attack, but they were too shocked to move.

"Potter, you build me up,

You break me down,

My horcruxes, they sound,

Yeah you've almost slain me, (WHAT? His horcruxes were gone? But… how?)

With my wand up,

You got me now,

You've won this round,

Yeah, you've got me,

Dumbles, you build me,

My horcruxes, they sound,

Yeah, you've got me,

With my wand up,

Put your wands up,

Put your wands up"

He was trying to scream it as his followers, but he was failing tremendously (and funnily, at that).

And then Harry said, quite haphazardly.

"Now, the killing won't stop until I stop you,"

The Death Eaters, who hadn't noticed his and Dumbledore's arrival, looked at the pair and almost keeled over.

Then, members of the Orders of the Phoenix began to file in through the door, Snape being the last to enter. He looked at his former master and smiled – yes, Severus Snape smiled (That will be a haunting image forever in my mind). He nodded at Harry, who opened his mouth and actually sang this time.

"Snape, blow bellatrix up,

Tonight, we're to fight,

Until we see Voldy quit,

Tick tock, on the clock,

But the bloody singing won't stop, no,"

At this point Hermione (Yes, she was also there) took over, singing 'Whoa-oh oh oh' twice. All eyes turned to her.

"Sirius, blow Nagini up, (He thought Bella had killed him?)

Tonight, we're to fight,

Until we see Voldy quit,

But the singing still won't stop, no,"

Abruptly the singing stopped. Death Eaters and members of the Order alike were staring at Harry, then they burst into applause. Harry Potter was much better than the Dark Lord.

Well, what followed after that was very simple.

Old Voldy died from the humiliation of Harry Potter beating him in singing, his followers turning on him (except for Bellatrix) and having revealed his darkest secrets.

Well, almost all of the Horcuxes were gone, so yay.

Draco Malfoy had killed the last Horcrux (Nagini) by shouting 'Avada Kedavra!' at her, making the Dark Lord's last few seconds the happiest ones on earth on seeing the youngest Malfoy using an unforgivable curse.

"Brilliant plan, Potter." Draco congratulated his old nemesis.

"Yes, Potter, I agree with Draco." Snape said, with a smile – one that could cause nightmares at its beauty.

"So do I." Dumbledore said happily.

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A/N: This was really random and I think not so good… but review and tell me anyways… please? (Pouts)

Love ya'll.

SkyElf


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